I’ve Watched Mothers

Posted on May 8, 2016 by Silva Katchiguian

Dedicated to the women who’ve lost a child and to the women who share the burden of loss. To the women of soldiers and to the women soldiers. To the women who pray and to the women who ask for a prayer.

 Mother: she is the anchor in your ocean, while you the child is her buoy.

As I look around me today, I am in awe of mothers. The act of mothering — all that women “do” as mothers to manifest love, care, and sacrifice — is more profound than anything I’ve ever witnessed before.  I’ve watched mothers dancing with their children when they hear a good tune. I’ve seen mothers dropping everything to comfort a child when he’s sad. I’ve seen mothers sing out loud “Let It Go” with a daughter who won’t let it go. I’ve watched mothers help build towers with Duplo blocks, Legos and Magna Tiles. I’ve watched mothers who’ve watched their children adding piece after piece with no particular design except to see how high they can build with not much concern for stability or even a vision of calamity. Pretty soon, the monumental tower they build will defy gravity and topple over with the addition of one or two more pieces. It will fall and smash into smithereens. I’ve watched mothers straighten the pieces, work to fix it, building stronger foundations, adding a piece here and there, providing a supporting block where it leans, strengthening the structure, all in order to keep that tower from tumbling for as long as they can….to prevent the calamity…the disaster of when it will hit the floor, shattering their world.

Yesterday, when my children were still children, when they understood more about the world in which buildings were not made out of colorful blocks to be constructed in minutes, and where anything that crumbled could be reassembled after a few tears, I spoke of war. I spoke of how, having seen what war can do to families, to neighbors and neighborhoods, to loved ones, to mothers who beat their chest in anger and pain, whose dry eyes begged to rest in sorrow too deep to understand, I spoke of condemning war. As a mother, I spoke of turning my back to politics, politicians and the big money that drives us into a war. I spoke of peace, of art, of knowledge and evolving the best of human elements. I spoke of creating armies of musicians, artists and teachers. I spoke of their unequivocal right to do whatever they must to serve humankind.

Today, I’ve watched mothers making every effort to stay ahead of their children as they build for their freedom and their rights to live on their lands. I’ve seen the fortitude of mothers holding the fort for as long as they can, to keep that tower from tumbling, to do what they have to do to bring their sons and daughters back home. And even though they don’t believe in war and the politics or the money that drives it, their beliefs are suspended because their daughter or son is duty bound to serve and protect. On the battlefield and in war zones, these brothers and sisters are sons and daughters of every mother who has anchored a child. That child, that buoy attached to the anchor is her day and her night; her motivation, her love, her pain, her discipline, her kindness, patience, her anger, her fears and her prayers. That child, that armed son and daughter, that soldier is doing whatever s/he must to serve humankind.

I’ve watched these mothers of soldiers whose towers have tumbled. Their monuments cannot be reconstructed or put together again with a few tears. I’ve watched mothers who’ve lost a child in service to country, for freedom for humankind. These are the mothers with whom we are ready to absorb their haunting fear, their wounded rage, and their hollow glare, and fill their starving hearts with the love of our tears, with respect for their fortitude, and with gratitude for their monumental sacrifice.

I’ve watched mothers….

 

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Truth

Posted on April 4, 2016 by Silva Katchiguian

fist2I am passionately interested in truth. I am passionate about speaking the truth when a wrong has been committed or an injustice spoken. I am also passionate about my duty to defend the truth. To some, truth is subjective, the personal world of opinion. Others believe truth is a collective judgment, the product of cultural consensus, while some flatly deny the concept of truth altogether.

Truth, whether or not we see it, write or read about it, or believe it, is something that happens. There’s no denying it. Truth just is. We can call it something else, or pretend it didn’t happen, but its repercussions live with us, whether we choose to remember or acknowledge its presence or not.

Distorting, skirting around the truth…lying, according to Nietzsche is a condition of life. A study conducted a few years back by Dr. Bella DePaulo confirmed that most people lie once or twice a day. Mindless pleasantries or polite exchanges we offer each other in passing, such as “I’m fine, thanks” or “No trouble at all,” is not referred to as lying by researchers. An “official” lie actually misleads, deliberately conveying a false impression. So, yes, complimenting a friend’s awful haircut or telling a landlord that the check is in the mail both qualify as an official lie.

What qualifies as a lie also is the language we use. It changes the way we view ourselves and other people in horrifying ways. We don’t kill “people.” We kill “targets.” We don’t kill “12 year old boys” but “enemy combatants.” We don’t claim “war.” We claim “cease fire” in between war. We don’t report Azerbaijan “bombarding” Armenia. We report Azerbaijan “aggressive large scale hostility” toward Armenia. By the same token, denying the Armenians the affirmation and right to credence for the scars of their memories as witnessed by one and a half million saints, and calling it by any other name except Genocide, qualifies as a lie.

The concept of truth and the consequences of rejecting it are devastating. Proof of which, the genocides that were encouraged as a result of world denial of the Armenian Genocide? Truth is not relative to circumstance. It is not subjective. Truth remains even when people have a vested interest in disregarding it. As a matter of fact, it is happening on a massive scale right now with US ally Turkey backing Azerbaijan, fueling her armor and warring against Nagorno Karabagh Armenia, allied with Russia. Turkey, while saying it opposes terrorism at every turn and wants to belong to a civil Europe, hides its true intent while heeding the old adage, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Turkey did the same when Erdogan sat on his hands for 18 months while ISIS wreaked havoc and slaughter in Syria and Iraq crumbling massive civilizations of peaceful Christian heritages and burying them in graves too deep to resurface. After all, the Turkish government opposed the Syrian regime of Bashar al-Assad, who had Putin as its ally, and ISIS was fighting that (Assad’s) regime. Turkey has since reversed itself in its role in Syria after releasing of hostages by ISIS and an agreement with the United States (whose terms are still unknown). Let’s face it. It takes willful ignorance to deny the truth about Turkey’s calculated, uncouth intentions. Turkey will continue to do what it does best. Imply that he (Erdogan) is the underdog, the victim who is forced to crack down harshly on those that “conspire” against his authority. Flashback, Ottoman Turkey 101 years.

fist5aWe Armenians have the truth. We have had it for 101 years in a world where few have had the courage to stand tall with us. Armenians and truth seekers need to proclaim it from the housetops, and quit playing along with those who flirt with the truth by way of distorting its language. We need to pursue our claims and our rights for human justice and the integrity of our souls. We cannot afford to be apathetic about the truth that one and half million ancestral saints have put in our trust. It is our duty to guard, proclaim, and pass that truth on to the next generations. Rally for Justice. Clench your fists. Drown the voices of opposition. We are 101 times stronger, 101 times more credible, with 101 times the allies who speak the truth and with 101 times more integrity than one Turkish government that fears the truth.

There is such a thing as truth.

 

 

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Men and Women: Step It Up

Posted on March 8, 2016 by Silva Katchiguian

12809179_1129065007146229_2041477541_nThe theme for International Women’s Day 2016 is “Planet 50-50 by 2030: Step It Up for Gender Equality”. Last year it was “Empowering Women, Empowering Humanity: Picture It.” In 2014 it was “Equality for Women is Progress for All.” In 2013 it was “A Promise is a Promise: Time for Action to End Violence Against Women.” 2012 claimed to “Empower Rural Women: End Hunger and Poverty.” Need I continue? Shamefully, it feels like a broken record. The fact that we are still fighting a battle for equality and the recognition of the value of women’s contributions to society is indeed a shame.

Efforts to remind the international community that discrimination against women continues to be a persistent problem in much of the world, started four decades ago at the Mexico City Conference in 1975, when the first world conference on the Status of Women was convened to coincide with the International Women’s Year. While these efforts of the previous four decades helped, at a snail’s pace, to improve certain women’s conditions and access to resources, they have not been able to change the basic structure of women’s rights as human rights and the inequality in the relationship between men and women.

Despite the indisputable gains over the years, women are still being raped, trafficked, violated and discriminated against — not just in the United States but in the rest of the world. And though the United Nations, women organizations, affiliates and the Commission on the Status of Women continue to fight gender injustices, most people seem to think that outside of a few lingering battles, the work of women’s rights is done. And why not — it’s a feel-good illusion. We work and take care of our children; we participate in parish councils and political campaigns; we admire Barbara Walters,  report dangerously with Christiane Amanpour, cry with Oprah, come out with Ellen DeGeneres and laugh with Tina Fey; we pride in Madeleine Albright, give thumbs up to Susan Rice, value Samantha Powers, cheer Hillary Rodham Clinton and sigh with relief, believing we’ve come so far. For all our “empowered” rhetoric, too many of us ignore the oppression on our doorstep and on those of our neighbors’.

The truth is, women and girls make up more than half the world’s population, yet they are the most exposed and deeply impacted by poverty, climate change, food insecurity, lack of healthcare, global economic crises and distressing domestic violence and abuse. Most of these women don’t have the privilege of being able to look at gender justice from a distance; they have no choice but to live it every day. Those of us who are lucky enough not to have to think about  violence toward woman/child, poverty, sex discrimination, education, equal access to employment,  homophobia and survival on a daily basis — those of us who have the privilege — have the responsibility to open our eyes to the injustices in front of us. And then, we have the responsibility to stop it.

Because we know that when women progress, countries progress. No country can get ahead if it leaves half of its people behind. Women’s political, social and economic empowerment is critical to driving positive development in every society. Today, there is an ocean of data that positively corresponds investment in women with a country’s prosperity, yet women are still vastly underrepresented in the U.S., Armenia and globally. They hold less than one-fifth of positions in national governments meaning that important decisions that affect women, their families, and their societies are made without their having a voice. Democracy without women (half the world’s population) is a contradiction in terms.

The overarching principle is that everyone, regardless of gender, has the right to work and support themselves, to balance career and family life, and to live without the fear of abuse or violence. Gender equality implies equal distribution of opportunities between men and women in ALL domains of society. Surmounting the barriers and breaking down the stereotypes can but contribute to the growth and progress of  families, communities and countries.

In line with this year’s theme we envision a world where all women and girls have equal opportunities and rights by 2030. Step It Up. Seek ways to advance other women to become stronger catalysts for change. Advocate. Ask governments to make national commitments. Demand legislative changes that will close the gender equality gap. Break the silence. Involve your men to improve your rights. NOW is the time to Step It Up!

On a side-bar: The Armenian International Women’s Association founded 25 years ago is probably the only Armenian women’s group that has boldly taken on the responsibility of presenting a proactive agenda to improve the rights of women both in Armenia and globally. AIWA recognizes that women are the agents of change in society – advancing political, economic, and social progress, creating peace and stability. AIWA is particularly active in such UN affiliates as the Commission on the Status of Women, which sponsors annual conferences in New York in the spring; and UNIFEM, the United Nations Development Fund for Women. Ever since AIWA’s 2004 International Conference in Geneva, it has had a registered delegation. I am proud to say that on Monday, March 14, AIWA will be presenting Development of Programs and Evaluation Methodologies Designed to Achieve Gender Equality at the 60th Anniversary of the CSW in New York.

NOW, Step It Up!

 

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Love, Full Circle

Posted on February 14, 2016 by Silva Katchiguian

Six years ago when my first grandchild was born I was told I would love him more than my child. “Just you wait,” they, the grandmothers said. “You’ll see how that little one will capture your heart and fill you with an indescribable feeling.” “A falling in love again feeling,” said one. “An immeasurable joy,” said the other. “Deliriously intoxicating,” said another. “A sweet surrender,” said yet another. “It’s a different love,” they all chimed in.      Two years later, my second grandchild was born, and once again I was reminded by faithful friends that grandchildren are loved more than one’s own.

Here, I beg to differ. While each of my friends is right in her measure of the immeasurable feelings, I cannot love my grandchildren more than my own child/children. To the contrary, the love for my child has reached newer depths and higher grounds with an intensity that echoes into the grandchild. I see my child in tender awe at the moment of entering into the inescapable divine fellowship of creating and nurturing, and it is at that moment that I realize that my love for my child radiates through her, gains energy with her love, and spreads with perfection into her child, my grandchild.  When I see the faith in my child’s eye, the love in her touch, the tender hope in her attitude and her weary sleepless gaze as she prays with infant in hand, I am reminded of my child of yesterday, a radiant reality of today looking upon and caring for her own child, my grandchild, I am full circle. I am wholesome. Do not misunderstand. I love my grandchildren. They, like all children embody the innocence of life with their trusting embrace filled with wonderment and unspoiled by the hard skepticism of the world, a naiveté which we all desire.      Yes, I love my grandchildren for they serve as reminders of how precious my children and all children are, and how holy the sacrament of childhood is … something we are often in danger of losing, especially when interacting with our now adult offspring. Often, as young parents, we do not have the wisdom we require at the time of need to set our priorities in order. As youth, we do not want to have wisdom. We gather knowledge, pass the experiences, and cherish hopes, which, as a rule, can only later be fulfilled. We struggle, we worry and only in hindsight, have an understanding of our hurdles and their validity in the course of our lives.

Most of us gain wisdom, understanding, patience, and the love to be wonderful parents after our parenting years are over. By the time our children produce the grandchildren, we reach the wisdom of God’s perfect love engaging mind, body and soul in unity, (at least I hope we do!). We reach a tolerance that forgets differences as we sit and play on hands and knees; we acquire a patience that rebuilds houses of blocks as they purposely topple to the floor for the hundredth time; we genuinely acquire a vision that sees the world as a splendid place with brave knights and dragons and ‘buzz light years’ and fairies, princesses, castles and x-men and Lego’s and trucks and tractors that build and destroy only to rebuild over and over again…all reaching toward the sky and beyond.

Wisdom and the years help remind me that a child’s laughter is the light of life. That wiping noses and pouring juice into “sippy” cups, though mindless, is profoundly important. That what once appeared as a life sentence to a young parent with milk stains on my shoulder, now seems to be a jail breaking, liberating experience with jelly stains on my knees. The genuineness of being comfortable with ones child-like self breaks out, and what seemed important at the time has gained in wisdom and seems unimportant now.  All the struggles and “what ifs” vanish at the sight of my child’s love for her child. I am reminded that my child, my adult child, is the “cute, adorable, naughty, lovable, play with me, splish-splash bathing, chocolate eating, just because” child. I am overflowing with the sweet nectar of love that echoes with squeals and laughter from my child and her children. I am full circle. What were the words my friends used?  Ah, yes. “Deliriously intoxicating. A sweet surrender.”

Love, full circle.

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New Year, New You. Cliché

Posted on January 4, 2016 by Silva Katchiguian

resolutionsNew Year, New You. With every New Year that rolls in, millions of people make resolutions based on what they think they should be doing rather than what they really want to be doing. As the old year ends, we promise ourselves that next year, we will be better, work less, exercise more, quit smoking, eat less, drink less, balance life, live life. And every year we fail miserably a few weeks or months into the resolution. Why? Because our resolutions are just wishes and expectations we set for ourselves; soft, furry, halfhearted decisions that reflect goals which don’t amount to anything except to say we are failures when we don’t reach them. Don’t misunderstand. Goals are good, but they detract from living life to the fullest and from being present in the here and now. We strive for improvement, even perfection, thinking that we will be happy and content if only we can achieve the often out-of-reach goals we set for ourselves. The problem is that as soon as we set ourselves a goal we’re saying that we are displeased with our situation, that we feel “less-than” and that we want more in our lives than we have right now. The very nature of goals make us look toward what’s next, never at what we have right now.

The “custom” of making resolutions is some 4000 years old. Ancient Babylonians are said to have been the first people to make New Year resolutions, though for them, the year began in mid-March when the fields were planted with crops. They celebrated for 12 days reaffirming their loyalty to the king and making promises to the gods to pay their debts and return objects they had borrowed. A similar practice in Rome occurred when Emperor Julius Caesar changed the calendar and proclaimed January as the start of the new year @ 46 BC.  The Romans offered sacrifices and made promise of good behavior in the coming year to the two faced god Janus who inhabited doorways and arches. Janus symbolically had hindsight into the previous year and looked forward into the future. Early Christians, Methodists and Evangelical Protestants and others followed the practice with covenant renewal services or watch night services where people gathered in churches on New Year’s Eve or day, reading from scriptures, setting goals and praying.

Hence, the first day of the year became the traditional occasion for thinking about establishing our intentions for the New Year. During the first week we start with an initial burst of motivation, and while some of us are more committed than others, statistics show that of the 45% of people who make New Year resolutions, most (with the exception of 8% who follow through on them) have given up by Valentine’s Day. Then they spend the next 11 months feeling guilty about them until it is time to disappoint themselves again the following year. Resolutions.  They’re just unsustainable clichés.

This year, instead of goals that reflect wishes, resolve to do something more fundamental, more central and more important to your overall development. Resolve to pray. Resolve to have confidence in yourself; confidence that comes from the spiritual realization and the humility that self-will and determination alone are not always enough to overcome shortcomings.  Resolve to approach with humility the acknowledgment that there is a power beyond yourself that is all encompassing. Resolve to pray. If there is anything I’ve learned it is this: In prayer you have help. Make your spiritual growth and the nurturing of your faith the goals of the New Year. Keep the driving force towards any objective centered on prayer. Learn to go within with prayer with the all-encompassing Presence above, beneath, around and beyond, and most importantly, within you. Move away from cliché. Begin to make the greatest spiritual discovery of your life.

Instead of the usual hard-to-achieve wishes and dreams this New Year, why not resolve to live each precious day fully, humbly asking for help when you need it, generously offering assistance when you can give it? Instead of making New Year’s resolutions that are so cliché that lament the past, point out our failures or concentrate too much on the future, live each day fully with humble prayer.

Integrate this one simple addition to your New Year Resolution List and avoid being a cliché in 2016.

Make Prayer your New Year, New You Resolution.

Happy New 2016.

 

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Memories Within Us

Posted on December 23, 2015 by Silva Katchiguian

The time had come for me to clean out my closets in preparation for the move from one house to another. On that crisp, cold morning, I wore sweatpants, a mismatched cotton shirt and a rust-colored wool sweater. Once fashionable, the sweater was now stretched with sleeves that were rolled up a number of times to fit the length of my arms. The wool had thinned out in the elbows and it was missing a button at the collar.

The sweater belonged to my dad. But the workmanship was my mother’s. It was an intricate pattern of braid cable and twist knit, basket weave and seed stitch, with aran honeycomb and cell stitch knitting. She had made it for him long ago to guard him against the winter cold. It had seen a lot of holidays and good events over the years, but eventually, after 25 years, the sweater frayed and was left in my home to be relegated to grocery shopping in the vicinity, leaf-raking and other yard work during cold days of winter. On this particular morning, it served to keep me warm as I moved boxes with items in and out of the house and the garage.

My daughter and son had come to help as we went through closets in the house either keeping or eliminating “stuff.” Both my children had moved out of the home years ago, having built their own nests in different cities. Yet, as we worked, at least five coats, six pairs of shoes with countless pairs of socks, high school and college books and notebooks, stuffed toys and mementos, sleeping bags, board games and trophies emerged from the bowels of what was once their closet. As we sifted through the various items, we felt like we were on a journey down memory lane. “Remember when we bought this blue suit for my high school awards night?” my daughter asked. “I do remember,” I answered, as we looked at each other teary-eyed with fond shared memories. My son pulled out a neatly folded scout shirt with a sash of badges rolled inside his Eagle hat. Memories of our last camping trip with the Boy Scouts of America began to unfold as he draped the sash across his shoulder and chest. Their visit was bittersweet. A walk down memory lane.

Among the organized “chaos” of my hallway closet I found a box labeled FAMILY. It was sealed with packing tape. I cut through it.  Papers and letters. Pictures of people framed in colorful ornate paper and ribbon popped out emitting a wave of nostalgia chock full of affection. They were all there, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, sisters, brothers, sons, and daughters, every one of them gathered in pictures, richly trimmed, framed and made into beautiful handmade ornaments for the Christmas tree. This was a tradition I had started with the children, to include family members near or far, past and present, young and old, known and unknown into the joyous gathering of our home and hearts. The tradition had long since become dormant but one I seem to have held onto sealed in a box perhaps because I was trying to hold on to pieces of me, to pieces of the past, much like I had been attempting to hold on to pieces of my children and their past with “stuff” gathered in boxes. Downsizing remnants of 35 years of my children’s life was not easy. How could I downsize even further remnants of sentimental attachment to family?

I know and I realize our memories are within us and not within our “stuff” in hallway closets and boxes, proof of which I had carried the memories and the love of the past into our home without ever accessing the sealed boxes in nearly 20 years. But we hold on to those we love, that which we are, and that which we never want to lose. We cling to their memory.

This box was a keeper. I labeled it FAMILY CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS. They, along with the new additions of people who are most dear to me in this world would decorate the Christmas tree in the new home. I closed the box, ready for the move.

This Christmas, may you each find your sealed box of memories; visit it, open it, share it, fill your heart with nostalgia, and unfold the love that resonates deep within you. This Christmas, may the memories cling to you as comfortably as does the fit and warmth of this old sweater I wear. Merry Christmas!

 

 

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Trees, Bricks and Mortar

Posted on November 2, 2015 by Silva Katchiguian

I have always liked getting my hands dirty, feeling the earth run through the webbing of my fingers, digging through sand, mud and stone. My passion must have started as a child growing up in the hot, dry desert sands of Kuwait. Unbelievable, yet true, in the stubborn soil of petroleum rich land, we had the most colorful garden of flowers, shrubs and trees that bloomed. The tall delphiniums lined the grey concrete walls of our garden, and the aster and daisies grew in wild clumps of bush throughout. It was the envy of the neighborhood, and my mother took great pride in ownership. It was mother who lovingly tended to the first snap dragons and carnations with fingers that carefully plucked away the crisp, dead leaves and dried debris that had fallen from the overhanging trees. She used the shade of those trees to plant her feet firmly on the pebbled paths that divided the plots of hues as she moved the garden hose from one section to the other. It was as though she fell under the spell of a certain nostalgia, a spell that remained with her whenever she found herself among nature, potted, planted or wild. She loved her garden. She looked centered. Whole.

I too love the garden. There is something magical about trees of all shapes and sizes – their majesty, their sheer grandeur as you stand in their shadow, the way they change but still remain a constant presence whether in full flower preparing for fruit or with bare branches, dormant for the winter. In every home that I have lived, I’ve enjoy planting rose bushes, seasonal flowers that bloom and trees with fruit, tending to their needs. When I am digging beneath the earth, beneath the flower beds, I am wholly involved. I begin to lose myself in the physical work that is nearly as old as the planet itself…scraping, digging and mixing to prepare the soil for what it does best…sustain life. I am revived, centered and whole again. Why? Maybe it’s because when “things to do” on my list add up, I don’t do every task with the whole of myself. I look at the calendar, and the next appointment or date is already moving in before I have even finished whatever I have set for the day. Stress and pressure build up. I step outside. I fall under the spell of a garden sanctuary and of life sustaining earth. Alone with the plants and trees, their presence is felt, strong yet delicate, sustaining me with their steadfast beauty. The roses I planted smile at me. I feel joy. The eucalyptus tree with its gnarled branches that let the moonlight shine through stands majestic at the edge of my hill. It was there before I moved into this house. It will be here when I move out.

I am moving.

It all started when fatigue, a word that did not exist in my dictionary, started to creep its way into my lifestyle decisions. There was no more white space in my calendar to even pencil something in, and I noticed that the yard had slowly transformed itself and had become rougher around the edges. I could no longer flatter myself to be a nurturer and yard-proud without making too many landscaping changes. In frustration, I said, “I want to own a home. I don’t want brick and mortar to own me.” My husband, bless his understanding and intuitive heart, gave my words a short second thought. We concluded that it was far more important to spend 168 hours of every week truly enjoying a good return on our investments of time and energy into family than to spend precious time and energy into maintaining a house and lifestyle we seem to have outgrown.

I am moving.

It is exciting, however, the process of downsizing is intimidating and complex. One thing is for certain; the joys of my life have nothing to do with brick and mortar. They do not change. The morning and evening sky. Sunrises that move me. Sunsets that draw me to prayer. The flowers. Trees. Summer sun and dew on grass. Leaves that crunch under my feet. Rain, snow atop mountains, the first crocus. I depend on these true joys that have nothing to do with possessions—nature, life source, human love—all these joys make life flow through me at every moment and every day.

When I finally move house, I know I’ll miss the trees more than the bricks and mortar.

 

 

 

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Look in the Mirror

Posted on September 4, 2015 by Silva Katchiguian

There comes a pivotal moment in everyone’s life when fleeting past a window or mirror, he or she stops for a split second because the image reflected appears as that of his or her parent.

Looking in the mirror these days I find more and more an image that is familiar to me. When did my features change so completely? I know the image in the mirror is me, but if I look closely at my forehead, my brow and eyes, the lines around my mouth, and even my neck, I can see another familiar face—my mother. Though my features do resemble my mother’s, it is her voice and words of wisdom that form the characteristics I carry of her. They mold my features, and now, hers are woven into my face—a lasting and undeniable connection to the woman who shaped the woman I have become today.

My mother was regal, classy, and a “one of a kind” original masterpiece that combined authority, with benevolent tenderness and compassion. She came from a privileged family that valued education, simplicity, and thrifty living over extravagance. Strong, outspoken, friendly, strict, principled, devoted, and generous are just a few of the words to describe her. She had a faith in God that sustained her, and she relied on that same faith to keep her company in her older years. “Be compassionate with people. Most appear to be brave, but they are just scared of life.” She would say. On occasion she would cry. “When I cry I know who I really am. I cry when others hurt as well as myself. I cry at the brutal world news. It’s my strength and my weakness,” she would say. I have come to treasure the many words of wisdom my mother shared with me as I was growing up. I draw upon them in these uncertain days and times.

Looking and listening to the news these days, I find more and more an image that is familiar to the history of humanity. The camera shows a woman dressed in her native attire of what used to be the brightest of colors, now faded by the sun and weeks of treacherous trek of land and seas. She holds an infant in one arm, and with the other, embraces a knee-high toddler wrapped around the skirt of her dress. The infant is limp, weakened with dehydration, and asleep; the toddler is tired, his eyes barren, a hollowness that fear often leaves in its wake. Both have tracks down their dark stained cheeks where the tears have run and chased the dirt away. All are famished, desperate, displaced, devastated, lonely, and frightened. With all the dignity that the woman can muster, she says in Arabic, “We are not beggars. We are not dirty people. Our smell is the stench of persecution, exile, famine, and hopelessness.” And with that image and those words, I see my ancestors… I see the innocent people of my Armenian heritage. I see the faces of millions of families in their faces. I see the innocent children of Afghanistan, Ethiopia, India, and China. I see the Burmese refugees. I see Jewish refugees, Cambodians, Arab refugees, Bangladeshi and Pakistani refugees. I see German refugees, Koreans refugees, Irish refugees, Bosnians… As the world watches, more than 4 million Syrian refugees have been forced to flee their homeland by four years of conflict. This is not a Middle Eastern, or South-east Asian, African or European problem. It doesn’t belong to poor countries, or to rich. It is a global issue that belongs to you and me. Millions of children are in dire need of humanitarian assistance. Given the chance of peaceful and secure living among the scant yet familiar surroundings of what was once their home, most refugees would want to return. All they seek is a chance for survival. But, there is too large a disconnect between their aspirations and the mirror of our reality. The image that separates fact from fiction in our lives has widened to a cosmic abyss. If only the world would look closely into that image, it would see a familiar history of migration and exodus. If only the world would look into the mirror and see its true reflection. The image would come back to haunt us.

I am grateful to have my mother’s words of wisdom to draw upon in these uncertain days and times. I proudly carry her words not only in my heart but on my face for the whole world to see. I cry. I cry at the brutal world news.

 

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Multitasking or Multidistracting

Posted on August 4, 2015 by Silva Katchiguian

Gone are my days when I could be talking to my mother on the phone while snapping my fingers at my husband to draw his attention to a tool he’d been looking for while at the same time emptying the dishwasher and using my leg to shut the fridge door left open by a three year old. Gone are my champion multitasking days. The truth is, I am terrible at multitasking. Yet, it seems to be the norm in offices where people are often required to keep chat rooms open, surf the web, and respond to e-mail within 15 minutes. It seems to be common in sports arenas where fans in mega-buck seasonal seats actually watch the game on big-screen TVs and text friends and post photos on Instagram and Facebook, tweet the scores and send out selfies. It seems to be the norm in college classrooms where professors’ lectures compete with web search engines and social networking sites on laptops while “passing notes” through text messaging. Multitasking is the new social norm. It is part of this world in which people talk separately on cell phones while walking together side by side. It is part of this world where I hear the click of a friend’s keyboard while talking on the phone, and where two people who seem to be holding a serious conversation while one is surfing the Internet.

I am delighted to find a report by the late professor of communication at Stanford, Dr. Clifford Nass, who spent more than 25 years studying people as they confronted the constantly changing technology of the computer age. According to his study, people who multitasked less frequently were actually better at it than those who did it frequently. He argued that heavy multitasking shortened attention spans and the ability to concentrate; in other words, easily distracted. Even this, however, puts me at the low end of the multitasking scale since I am not Facebooking while surfing the Net, downloading iTunes and driving. Worse yet, my inability to simultaneously YouTube and IM and listen to voice mail makes me a technological dinosaur.

Today, I am challenged by one task at a time. I sit in front of my computer to write my blog and while I’m hashing out the words, I hear my cellphone buzz with a text message. It’s my daughter requesting a reply to one of her life’s questions. I drop everything and seek to find a well-informed answer through the various search engines on the web. As I search for a satisfactorily relevant answer, I am distracted by other information that appears on the page and which is of interest to me. I delve further into the topic of my interest, leaving behind my daughter’s quest for later. I become engrossed in the subject until a message on the computer screen pops up to say a friend posted a reply to a comment I had made on Facebook. She’s the person I was hoping to reach through LinkedIn earlier this morning. I go to FB, check her reply, click a ‘like’ to her response and catch up on everybody else’s news. Someone’s become a grandparent, another just returned from vacation while another just ate a great meal with a picture to prove it. Someone types Amen, another asks for likes to combat animal cruelty while another shares a post claiming it is the funniest thing you’ll ever read. My home phone rings. I take the call in my bedroom. I chat for a bit while tidying the room. I hang up the phone. I look out the window to my back yard and notice the dry leaves on my patio. I decide to go out into the yard and rake the leaves and as I am doing so I am met by the hummingbird that whirrs and hums her rapid wingbeats next to me in midair. She flies to her two chicks hatched in the nest she has built on the strings of the chime hanging from the eave above my patio. I marvel at the beauty of a tiny avian feeding her babies. The thought of the hummingbird feeding her chicks reminds me that I need to go grocery shopping, and I step into the kitchen to take inventory of needed items for today’s dinner. While making my list I notice the daily paper. A headline catches my attention. I’ll read it later since I’m headed out the door. The mailman drives up. I wave. I might as well bring in the mail. My bank statement has arrived. I return indoors to verify the transactions and balance the books using my on-line banking skills. My phone bings. I’ve received an IM from siblings on WhatsApp asking about my well-being and to join the conversation. About to answer, I hear a couple of chimes. Emails are coming in. I’ll explain to my siblings as soon as I answer these emails. …

Now then where was I? Multitasking.

 

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Inalienable Rights

Posted on July 8, 2015 by Silva Katchiguian

(Dear readers, thank you for checking in on my blog on July 4th expecting to see some thoughts on the day. Your inquiries inspired me to write this one. Although the 4th of July has come and gone, my sentiments do remain the same.)balloonsThere are few American National Holidays that we celebrate as a nation, but none as powerful as the 4th of July that commemorates the birth of an independent nation. It is a celebration of pride in a country that has captured, in the first sentence of paragraph two of the Declaration of Independence, the essence that enshrines Life, Liberty and Happiness: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

It is among the greatest sentences ever written regarding what a civil government exists to preserve and protect. Every human being has God-given rights to live, to be free, and to pursue her/his happiness.

We are a society that prizes freedom, proof of which many of us came to this country because of her offer of Liberty, one for which many men and women have fought and died. That same fight for liberty and freedom is not always country against country or foe, but often within ourselves. Freedom requires sacrifice and understanding that certain rules are necessary to create a society in which people of different skills and ideas work together in mutually beneficial exchanges. A free society is not one where people are free to do as they wish at the expense of infringing on or harming someone else’s rights.  A mature, learned, advanced society where “man” is a rational and moral being, is one where we freely elect to exercise our reason in the name of choosing well. We may not be responsible for the actions of our fellow citizens, but we are responsible for our own actions, and as citizens of this free nation, we must hold ourselves accountable when we abuse our freedom rights. Freedom of life and the pursuit of happiness is a complicated right that requires tolerance from all sides, a tolerance that is often lacking…as witnessed by national tragedies of flawed misinterpretations of the Declaration of Independence and the First Amendment.

The system of government clearly places liberty at the center of its concern.  Ideally, government “shall” enforce the law only to protect that freedom…the freedom of the fundamentalist and the atheist, the female and the male, the child and adult, the Black and Caucasian, the Asian and Hispanic, the islander and the mainlander, the majority and minority groups, the gay and the straight.  I find it troubling that despite the battles fought in the past, there are many wars still being waged on the liberty of others today.

I find it troubling that the true meaning of liberty and freedom is not self-evident by the masses.   I find it troubling that we claim to be a more advanced society yet we confuse our inalienable right to freedom with the First Amendment of the Constitution that guarantees freedoms concerning religion, expression, assembly, and the right to petition. As a society, we don’t seem to be willing to respect a wider range of ideas under the umbrella of freedom, especially when those views may cross the line of our personal beliefs. “Rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others. (Thomas Jefferson)

I find it troubling that too many people blame government rule for our social problems when these problems have been created as a result of the people themselves exercising irresponsibly the constitutional rights granted them in our founding documents.  I find it troubling that we don’t take responsibility for our own actions and are obsessed with quickly finding out whose “fault” things are, and who we can blame.

I find it troubling that our religious or otherwise beliefs continue to distort our ability to see things clearly.  We are free to “worship” according to our conscience. Everybody worships. Even the atheist. The only difference is who or what we worship…God, Allah, Jehovah, Noble Truths, Wiccan, Body, Material, Self… Freedom to worship or not to worship according to our conscience is an inalienable right.

We should all be deeply thankful, “endowed by” the “Creator” for our inalienable rights in the United States.  Even with its sometimes tragic flaws, we should never lose sight of the freedoms we enjoy in this great Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

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