There’s something about the month of June that rushes couples to the altar and rings with the sound of wedding bells. But what makes June to be the most popular month for weddings is its origin. The month June is derived from Juno, the Roman Goddess of marriage. It was believed that those who married in June would enjoy a life of prosperity and happiness. But the more medieval reasons why June was a popular month to be married ranged from the availability of water and annual baths that took place around then making the bride and groom smell fresh, to convenience of timing conception where births wouldn’t interfere with harvest work. In the 20th century it is said that for practical purposes, June weddings helped the couple with lower income tax applied to the year’s earnings and a substantial return for the following year. Today’s reasoning is that the weather in June is best, and timing is right for holidays, honeymoons, and destination weddings. I was married in June but for none of the above reasons. I simply was in love.
Last night I met a beautiful young girl—intelligent, dynamic, high achieving, socially engaging and with a genuine concern for the welfare of children and humanity. She asked: “What is the secret to a successful marriage?” “Marry the right person,” I replied. “How do you know if said person is the right one?” she asked. And it made me think. How many couples have entered their marriages without paying attention to the early signs of a failed relationship? They are the ones who have deluded themselves into thinking they can change one another. Marriage is not about changing one another. Marriage is about finding the right person who bases his/her love on the simplest of humanity’s intrinsic qualities… kindness, respect, and loyalty.
While I do not profess to be a marriage counselor or knower of relationships, of marriage I can tell you this: Pay close attention to the actions, words and deeds of the person you claim to love. Notice in the early stages of your relationship whether his/her actions show respect toward you and all those whom you consider near and dear to your heart. We’ve all been there, fallen in love, and when that happens it is hard to sit back and evaluate the actions and deeds of the object of one’s love. But seriously, as committed adults who can spend an entire year planning the “perfect” wedding, you should be able to sit back, remove the sugar coating and see whether the person is one whose actions and deeds stem from the same core values of what has shaped you as a person. Family has shaped you. Friends you hang out with and enjoy have shaped you. Co-workers in your profession or career have shaped you. The right person is one who respects and loves you for who you are, and who feels comfortable among all those whom you love and respect for the shape you have become. Right is when two independent people know and trust their independence yet value their interdependence. They are the ones who don’t feel threatened by your need for “space”. They accept the unique quirks that make you you. The right person will see you in your worst times and in your most vulnerable times and yet make you feel more loved through listening, learning, apologizing and finding resolutions. The right person will always have your back. Always. And vice-versa. The right person will focus on the oneness of the relationship. In other words, the right person will make you realize you want that person to be in your life. You want to share with them; you want to be with them; you want to live with them. You want to rush home to them, hug them, hold them. You want to laugh again and again at the same old jokes until you start to cry or cry until you start to laugh again. You start thinking about them and you realize you can’t imagine your life without them; that somewhere along the road, your life isn’t just about you any more. It is about their needs, their wants and desires, their hopes and dreams, and somewhere in all of that, you know they are the right person because it is about your wants and needs and hopes and dreams. It is that feeling of oneness that consumes your whole being…simultaneously giving each other the opportunity to be each other’s right person.
It is the right person, simply in love with the right person.
Thank Silva for such beautiful diagnostic!
Love your words always!
However your last sentence is a mystical one!Is it an earthly dream?The right person?…
Happy anniversary to you and your right person, Silva.